I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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