I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
