Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
