He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
