I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize