Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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