She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
