Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
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