My cat gives me a boner
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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