oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
