We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
