So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
