if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
