i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
