oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
