id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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