I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
