I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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