i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
