Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
