We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
