note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize