FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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