It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
