After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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