have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
