what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
