"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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