When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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