i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
