where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize