It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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