So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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