Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
