on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
