I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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