I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
