suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
