The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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