Do you still have your period?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I would ride that face into the sunset
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
