Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
