Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
