tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
This is the high leading the old right now
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
