I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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