i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
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