what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize