i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
