I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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