He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I am naked and annoyed.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
