I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
