I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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