You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
