1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
