I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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