They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
