My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
