can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
