Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
