I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize