You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
