i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Randomize
