Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize