I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
