I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize