its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Randomize
