dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
