I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She told me I should be a condom model.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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