I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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