Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
