well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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