remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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