On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
hell yes lets make some ravioli
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Randomize
