Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
