i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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