i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
