I can't breathe out the right side of my face
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
