im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Girls should come with a carfax report
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I fill condoms, not promises.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
