In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
