Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
