If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
