Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
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