a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
