im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
