is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
