All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
my being single is dangerous.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
