he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
