I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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