I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
