Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize