I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
